This will be my last journal entry. Documenting our journey over the last two year has helped me so much to cope with the many burdens that my family has encountered, and the support of my on-line friends has really helped. I thank all of you who took the time and trouble to give positive comments throughout. During my deepest darkest days, just writing it all down seemed to help me get through it, and looking back at earlier posts helped me see how far we had come as a family, and how things were slowly turning around for us.
If I had known four years ago before I stepped on that plane, what was awaiting us in our new life in the USA, it is fair to say that I would have turned around and stepped back into the easy life that I was leaving. It is also fair to say that having gone through everything that we did, we have emerged from the wreckage as much better people and have learned so much from our experiences.
I named this blog 'Enlightenment for the Sleepy' as a record of my own wake-up call. It was to chart my Enlightenment as I faced trials and tribulations that I had never imagined that I would face, after previously living an almost charmed life.
I knew- even at the beginning- that God had a new plan for me and my family and that I had to face it head on. I had faith that we would come through it but that didn't stop me from having sleepless nights, days of crying and wondering if we really would be able to feed our children from one day to the next.
It seemed that from the day my husband broke his leg, we had a domino effect of bad luck and faced one catastrophe after another. My husband almost died, my middle son almost died and we were defrauded out of every penny of our life savings within days of arriving here in Florida. Eventually we lost our home as well. But my husband pulled through, my son pulled through and that was all that mattered. My very first lesson was that our loved ones are priceless and good health is all that matters.
Every day I thank God for my husband and children. I often look at my middle son Milano, and cringe at the thought of the empty space our lives would have had without him in it.
He is a feisty six-year-old who makes sure we know he is here every second of every day. He is also so very loving and his brothers too would have been so very lost without him.
I think of other families who weren't so lucky and who have lost loved ones, and I thank God again for sparing us. One of my oldest and very dear friends lost her twenty-one-year-old son a year ago in a freak accident, and my heart bleeds for her every day. 'As long as we're healthy' was a mantra I lived by whenever we were blindsided yet again.
We are by no means prosperous. We are still living pretty much from paycheck to paycheck, but occasionally now we can have treats. Yesterday was an example, my husband took us to Legoland and we all had a ball. All the time we were there though, I was reflecting on how far we had come in four years.
I get gentle reminders sometimes. Friday was one of them. I went to Target with Rio to buy some 'thank you' cards for the boys teachers. My husband suggested that I take my debit card but I refused on the grounds that I had enough cash to purchase a couple of cards. How I wish I'd listened to him. I believe that was a gentle prompt from the universe and I should have taken it even knowing that I wouldn't be using it. I got to the checkout and the guy in front of me had a cart of food and two baby girls with him. He was taking some time and discussing something with the cashier but I couldn't understand what they were saying as they were talking in Spanish. Eventually I got the picture as the man handed back an item at a time as he tried to get the bill down enough for his card to be accepted. It broke my heart. It took me back to those days when we would have ten or fifteen dollars in our wallet to feed the family, and we had to use a calculator as we went around the store, picking up items only to put them back and deliberate over what we needed the most. We had our own pretty close calls at the checkout, but thankfully never had to endure the embarrassment that this young man had to face. Of course, had I taken my card with me, I would have paid for the items that he had to relinquish; as it was I had enough cash for the cards alone, and I couldn't help him as much as I desperately wanted to. It broke my heart. If I had been thinking straight I would have put my card down, given him the cash and returned later for the cards~ but I was in too much shock and not thinking straight. I just wanted to cry.There was another guy behind me who was muttering for the duration and shifting his weight letting us all know he was in a rush and this young guy was nothing more than an obstacle to him. I figured that the older guy will have his own life lessons to learn, and I imagined that patience and compassion would be two of them. I left the store with a heavy heart and it has weighed on me since.
I have learned every day now to be thankful for the smallest of things, things that I took for granted every day of my life~ in my old life.
I felt that I had my share of problems prior to emigrating~ going through a divorce being my worst~ but they were nothing in the grand scheme of things. I picked myself up easily, started my own business and did very well. I considered myself a grateful person and I thanked God for my growing business, my large house and prestigious cars, but really I took every bit of it for granted. My biggest dilemma was whether to take the Range Rover or the Mercedes to work each day. Really! I remember standing on the driveway on a morning trying to figure out which vehicle to plant my backside in. I solved that by using the Range Rover for cold wet days, and the convertible for the sunnier days. I kept my third new car (a Ford Focus RS, ) for Saturday use only. Do you hate me now? You'll hate me more when
I tell you that I eventually traded those cars in for a new Porsche convertible.
Please don't. I'm a new improved me.
I have come so far in four years. If it makes you feel better, let me tell you that I now drive a ten year old Chrysler and my husband drives an ancient Volvo wagon (estate) that has over 200,000 miles on the clock and is still going strong. Cars mean nothing to me now. God solved my dilemma of which car to drive, long term!
I wish I could tell you all the ways that I have changed, all the things that I appreciate so much. If you really want to know, just read back on my older posts and you will see. I have less material possessions but have so much more of the real important thing in life. There is an abundance of love in my life. I am actually very grateful for the harsh lessons that I was forced to learn. I am embarrassed at my former self.
Every day I thank God. Every single day, several times a day.
While my story hasn't ended completely~ we still have the outcome of our criminal case against the man who defrauded us to come to fruition~ I think I can leave it here now. I'll keep this blog up for a week or so and then I'm going to have it redesigned and wipe everything. I want a fresh start, a clean slate. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life, etc, etc. A year ago I ordered a book from a company that prints blogs out for you, I'll order another then wipe this slate clean.
I will still be blogging, but I will be decorating my home , making cakes and reading books~ and moving forward with my life. I don't have a crystal ball to see what other goodies God has in store for me. To be honest I'd really rather not know. I'll cross my fingers and my heart for my future. I'll try to take it on the chin, whiter it is, but I really, really, am grateful for those lessons. Honestly. I've been enlightened, I'm facing my future with my eyes open and I'm wide awake.
|Not like this snoring Guy!|
Thank you for following.